All the negative emotions

im feeling sad and angry at the same time...why cant my parents understand me...i dont want be like them...they have thier own way of thinking and im trying to 'change' the impossible part...im 24 years old and still arguing with my parents about freedom...i see my friends their parents are not worry about them as in putting trust but mine is different....im really tired of arguing....really but why just cant understand me....all they think im the bad daugther, have bad friends and likes to compare so much....i dont think its worng to come back late no matter i will still come back and i need my sleep.....they have thier own laws which i think its ridiculous....they care their status so much which at the end of the day ppl laughed at u at the back...

i had a long chat with my parents just now...i was talking nicely to them and they think its loud...i dontknow how to talk to them...i hate my dad swearing...please tell me which parents swears to their own children....so far all my friends parents are not but mine is different.....he use us the punching bag...and my mum just kept quiet there....im helping her to defend but she thinks its impolite...probably because of u daddy is so 'ba dao' meaning he say one means one not two.....i scolded him to stop swearing at us....please say all that to ur workers and friends...i would love to see that....he likes to talk bad about my friends which i will defend back....me and my friends didnt do anything wrong....im so piss when they talk about them....compare my cousin and me compare other people and me.....i hate it....the more u compare the worst it will be and at the end of the day everything comes back to your own daugther and u start yelling at us....damn out of point....they know i always come back home veyr late on saturdays only but they still want to scold me and after that say i cause the blood pressure...ya right thats ur own bloody concept or ur stupid laws...but sorry to tell u that eveyrthing has change and its not your old generation type anymore...it doesnt work on us...he loves to threaten me...its either dont allow me drive car, call my friends to scold them,go find and confront them and many more...i hate it lots....trying to make me feel guilty...im worried my future children will do that to me too....then all the regrets will come back....after that i will start thinking i should had listen to my parents about this and that....no point regretting already...sometimes it makes me think not to have children or get married....just date guys will do....but its stupid...u will be lonely forever....sigh....

i have a bf now and im happy to have him....he treats me very good care for me, love me, ustd me well and many things....at first i felt awkward but after sometime the feeling just disappear but right now we have a freaking big problem to face which is my parents i cant believe hes seeing all this with his own eyes...before that all he hear is my complaints....im very worried that one day he cant take it and runaway and im so really gonna blame my parents....is this for my own good?? neh...u are just chasing my friends away one by one....yaya u have the bestest and great friends and ours are always the bad ones....trust is the most important thing in relationship but i dont uderstand why i cant put the trust on him....others im all right but just this....doubtness and insecureness is killing me everyday....i hate this feeling....i believed that my bf knows about it very well....i felt touched that hes willing to face this problem together...hes so supportive but me feeling very down and down....don lose hope?? i think mine is coming pretty soon...i repeat again im really tired and fed up of all this arguing...when is it gonna end....when when.....i dont want him to get the scolding from my parents i would rather they put it all on me...hes innocent...

we love to hangout very late night just on Saturdays....other days we need to work and do our own stuff....why cant my parents just put trust on both of us...my mum say to be someone's future daugther in law u must show good impression to them....welll im not doing anything wrong is jsut that i come back home late on saturdays so its not wrong....whatever they talk is really unreasonable....what is wrong hanging out with friends...what is wrong having dinner with my colleagues and lady boss....what is wrong coming back home so late.....what is wrong going gym...to them all is wrong...no right at all....

last night i was so pissed....i ignored my dear....i kept silent till im home....he helped me to carry my stuff and i just walked in up to my room change and sleep.....he called and smsed me but i didnt hear it ringing but the other phone rang...too tired and piss plus tipsy to answer....then this morning he told me that he was worried till he didnt get a good night sleep...terribly sorry my dear...as usual my night is always ruined by my parents.....remain ignorant?? im trying extremely hard....my dear can see that...patient?? yes im trying....all of this emotions has actually outreach my level....i just need to throw it all out....thou my buddy taught me but too bad i still cant do it thou i tried very hard....

ahhh....its saddening....really....tired.....runaway from home is a no no thing which i wont do it....probably other people will....stop saying i disrespect you....like i always say respect is earned not demand.....okay he loves to say this.....you must have this value thing on yourself....till now i dont ustd what the heck isit got to do with me...he always thinks that im the one who plans all the outings....but im sorry to tell u i did not is my friends who plans.....he always taught me this don always call ppl out must always wait for ppl to call u....well this is what i did in the end also i get the scolding.....yes yes you have your own old experiences that u have faced which i've not....fingers crossed i dont want that to happen on me....but u cant stop me from listening to my friends experience....don u realise no one ask me out?? is because no one is WILLING to be scold by u.....to be honest whatever i say is true...thats y i felt lonely...thank god i studied at metropolitan college...met new friends and become buddies anddd right now one of them is my bf.......love u guys lots....

i know i haven been blogging about my family stuff here....im not ashamed to post it..so to let u guys know this is what i face everyday.....saddening right...but this is life...u have lots of challenges to face but mine is different its my parents instead other challenges.....damn funny right....i just hope they will 'set' me free....wait till i get married and stop the controllling?? ridiculous la....at that time my husband wil be controlling me....ahhhhhh....am i born to be controlled by people instead of me doing it on my own way....i want to be leader not the follower....fuk......or perhaps its meant to be....i need to be controlled like an animal in the cage....im jealous of my friends whose having a good life than me...

damn it....